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Maybe those things took all of your attention, and provided you with lots of satisfaction. One of the most wonderful things about men is their ability to take care of business : to focus on what needs to get done to the exclusion of everything else, including sex.

Everyone has their own life path. Yours has included many challenges and triumphs. It has made you the great guy you are today. A guy can get a new job, get super focused, and next thing you know two years have gone by without sex, and not for want of desire.

Give yourself credit for all of your great accomplishments, and remember that sex is a magical alchemy that requires certain specific circumstances, many outside of your control.

In the vast majority of cases, you not having sex has nothing to do with you, your attractiveness, or your eligibility. Being a virgin into adulthood—or going years without sex—is normal, especially among truly great, sweet, wonderful, sexy men who eventually make incredible boyfriends and even better sexual partners.

Not having sex can feel shameful. Remember, though; a guy who goes through a promiscuous phase may feel shame about that, too. All of us can feel latent shame about our sexuality and our bodies, because our culture teaches us that everything about sex, including not having it, is shameful.

Even very sexually active men can feel like failures, and become obsessed with their sexual performance. It can be a celebration of your bodies, of a great partnership, of a beautiful moment.

It can be playful and experimental. It can be serious and satisfying. You can show up to sex in your masculine power no matter your sexual history.

Trust me on this. Presence—showing up, being honest about your experience, being open to the experience of your partner—is what makes sex great.

Your presence is powerful. Your penis is powerful. That has nothing to do with the notches on your bedpost. Surrender is about trust.

Let me explain. I think that waiting for a great person is an excellent reason for putting off sex, and one that many women will find very attractive as it indicates depth of spirit and emotional self awareness.

Sometimes the universe takes a while to introduce that great person to us … and sometimes there are great reasons for that.

Trust that this great person is out there, that you are good enough to attract them, and be patient. When you do meet someone great, let yourself trust her.

Right now it feels like sex is a ridiculously big deal, I understand that. But the more you allow yourself to see it as just another act, another way to express energies and emotions that you are already expressing meaningfully via other outlets, the less power it will have over you.

Like everything else in your life, you will bring a level of energy and mastery and compassion to sex. Trust yourself. You may believe that women are only interested in massively muscled guys with a certain swooping hairstyle.

Or you may think women are only interested in guys who have money, or are established in their careers, or are great with kids.

The wonderful truth is that different women are interested in vastly different things , and attracted to a broad range of qualities in a man.

No matter who you are, you have some very awesome, attractive things about you that women will like.

There are women out there who are attracted to the exact qualities that you possess. The basic truth is that there is a woman out there who needs you.

No one else. She needs you to have the courage to show her who you really are, to show up in her life. Again, presence is the key.

Bring your authentic presence with you everywhere you go. The right women will respond. Meanwhile, sexual violence against women has never had so much attention, and many men are loathe to be assertive about their attraction, lest they be labeled sexual harassers, or scare a woman they care about.

How can you reconcile your potent sexuality with the idea that male desire is wrong or frightening? You can be up front about being attracted to a woman without scaring her or being creepy.

Simply stating that you like someone or that you would love to go on a date is a great way to go. Women love men.

So be heroic, even in this small thing. You will succeed eventually, but you will inevitably get shot down. Genesis Lebo. Nathaila Solome.

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